The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize