He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
