Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
