Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
