Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Im just a social blackout drinker.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
