Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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