I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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