I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
