I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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