thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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