shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
