my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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