i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
