My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
