Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
