Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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