I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize