on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
