you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
