I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize