I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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