Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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