I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Let's paint friendship bongs
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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