ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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