I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
