What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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