Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
