She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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