Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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