sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Vodka?
Forever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
