i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
