U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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