Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
