I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
