remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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