I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
