I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
