thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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