I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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