My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
