also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
