i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
