i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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