can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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