So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
