no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
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There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
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I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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