The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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