How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
