the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
