Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize
