i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
