He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
