I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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