Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
