actually, I'm a sock model
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
