I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize