I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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