her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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