i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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