it wasn't lemon gatorade
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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