hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
