oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
