then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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