a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
